After yesterday's freak out session about the cramping I was experiencing I am happy to say that today things are back to normal.
I overreacted yesterday, no doubt. But for those of us who have had a previous loss it's understandable. It changes you. With my first pregnancy I knew miscarriage was a possibility, but I had no idea what the pain and grief would feel like if it were to occur. Now that I have experienced that pain, and know how devastating it is, the thought of having to deal with it again is terrifying. Hence, yesterday's panic.
It feels great to be back in a (somewhat) calm place.
I'm so grateful to be carrying my little Cub Scout but it doesn't change the fact that I wish there were some things I could change.
I wish I could feel confident that I will reach a point in this pregnancy where I feel comfortable, but I don't think that is going to happen.
I wish I could have conceived in the privacy of my home with Mr. Scout. Instead, our little Cub Scout was conceived in a lab, with technicians/nurses/doctors and Mr. Scout and I were not present.
I wish that when we share the news of our pregnancy with our family they will understand what a miracle it is - right now, they have no idea of our journey.
Regardless of the things I feel I may be missing out on I feel so fortunate to be pregnant and I won't take it for granted for even one second.
Stumbled across your blog during ICLW, and just wanted to say, congratulations on your pregnancy, and cramping is normal and crazy! With my twins, I remember telling my husband that I understood what they meant when they said "period like cramps" after a BFP. It was freaky, and I think I checked the toilet paper for blood for like the first 5 months.
ReplyDeleteI also had a miscarriage this summer, and being pregnant after a miscarriage is rough. You question, you doubt, you want to believe, but it is hard. I'm sure you've heard this, but I try to remind myself: "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby". Good luck!!