November 11, 2010

Eternal Optimist...But Not Today

Eternal Optimist:
1. A person who never ceases to give up hope in something they believe.
2. A person who will continue to believe in something or a positive outcome till the end of time.

This is me.  For me, "the glass is always half full."  Mr. Scout thinks I see the world through rose-coloured glasses - all the time.  I believe in the power of positive thinking.  I believe thoughts influence outcomes.

But not today.

I feel like this IVF cycle didn't work.  I don't know why.  It scares me that I feel this way.  What if feeling this way makes it true?  Why do I feel this way?  Was my response to the injections too good to be true and I don't want to get my hopes up?  Is it a defence mechanism because this is supposed to be our greatest chance at getting pregnant and what if that doesn't happen?  Am I scared that if it does work I'll lose the pregnancy again?  Is it because in the infertile world it seems like success stories are so rare?

I hate feeling this way. 

This is not me.

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