She's a He

Gestation:  19 weeks & 3 days
Weight:  106 lbs

I found out this week that my little Cub Scout, who everyone thought was going to be a girl actually has a penis :)  Yep, this little one is all boy.

I had mixed emotions.  It was absolutely amazing to see the 3D images of his little face - and what an adorable little face it is - he's got the cutest little lips and mouth and I can't wait to shower his face with kisses. 

It was a relief to finally know what gender I've been carrying around for the last 19 weeks and now I don't have to spend the rest of the pregnancy wondering.  I hate surprises and could not imagine not knowing whether I was having a girl or a boy.

I am not sad I'm having a boy.  But I do feel a bit of a loss for not having the girl that I dreamed of.  Of course, I just want a healthy baby and I would love to have at least one of each gender.  And as someone pointed out, I didn't go through infertility and IVF to have a girl, I did it to have a baby.  But at the end of the day I have a special affinity for girls and women and I really wanted the opportunity to raise a fantastic, strong, confident, feminist daughter who would break down barriers.  Yes, I know, that's projecting a lot onto a girl who would be her own person regardless of what I wanted her to be. 

But, maybe having a boy will teach me things about boys and men that I need to learn.  And how can I not be happy about having a mini version of Mr. Cub Scout joining our clan?  I know some amazing men - Mr. Cub Scout of course.  My father is one-of-a-kind amazing.  My grandfather was one of the kindest souls I've ever know.  I have some really good male friends.  I adore my nephew.  Boys aren't so bad :)

And who's to say I can't raise a fantastic, strong, confident, feminist SON!

I don't know if we'll ever have another biological child.  But maybe we will.  And maybe I will have a daughter.  Or maybe I'd have another boy and the two of them would grow up to have an amazing brother bond.  One thing I know is that no one knows what the future holds.  I never in a million years thought I'd have to deal with infertility and undergo IVF!  You just never know.

In the few days since I've learned that she's a he I've also learned that gender disappointment is not uncommon.  It's normal to have hopes and dreams for your family and a certain vision of what that family looks like.  While I may not have pictured having a son, I am pretty confident that once he arrives I won't be able to imagine him being anyone other than the amazing little man he's going to be. 

One positive, at least I won't have to deal with all the princess-crap that is forced upon little girls.  If I were having a girl I'd be thwarting all things princess-y and Barbie at every turn!  I suppose this little guy could turn out to love all things princess/Barbie related...but if that were the case I don't think it would be as damaging to his self-image :)