Dear Cub Scout,
We haven't yet met you or held you in our arms, but oh, how you are loved.
Your daddy and I marvel at your growth and movements every day. Feeling you move is the greatest feeling in the world.
Your daddy gazes at my belly every day and loves to rub it and talk to you. He is smitten and you are going to be so fortunate to have him as your Dad.
I think of you every moment that I am awake and often sit and wonder about the type of person you will be. I can't wait to watch you learn to walk and talk. I can't wait to watch you learn new things. I can't wait to watch you form your own opinions. I can't wait to watch you make life choices. I can't wait to see the man you will become.
March 30, 2011
March 23, 2011
Week 22 - Everything You Wanted to Know and Everything I Want to Remember
How far along: 22 weeks 1 day
Total weight gain/loss: Up 12 lbs. (Current weight = 110 lbs)
Maternity clothes: Definitely wearing them now. Mostly jeans and a few tops. Fortunately I can still find loose non-maternity fashions to fit me, though it is getting harder.
Stretch marks: Still none (Thank God)
Sleep: Uncomfortable. Lots of back pain. Some hip pain. I seem to toss and turn a lot trying to get comfortable. Have started sleeping with a pillow tucked under by belly and boobs which helps a bit.
Movement: Lots of movement these days. Especially (like now) when I'm sitting quietly at my desk at work. Also movement at night when I go to bed and am lying there trying to fall asleep. Recently saw my stomach 'jump' from the outside - it was amazing!
Cravings: I'm craving just one night of uninterrupted sleep! Food cravings - none
Aversions: Maternity clothes - it's so hard to find decent looking ones that don't make me want to vomit. Food aversions - none
Gender: Boy (see She's a He post below). Mr Scout still thinks it's a girl (he didn't want to know) and all our family and friends think girl. Boy, are they going to be surprised :)
Symptoms: Mildly sore hip, constant back pain, constantly congested, huge boobs (ugh, I hate them!)
What I miss: My pre-pregnancy size zero body :(
What I look forward to: Meeting my new little man!
Moods: Excited. Happy. Positive.
Milestones: Anatomy ultrasound was perfectly normal!
Medical Concerns: None
Weekly Wisdom: Embrace being pregnant and try not to sweat the small stuff - it's goes by too fast
Worst moment this week: None. I really am so happy.
Best moment this week: Taking a day off and reading out loud to Cub Scout while lying in bed.
March 21, 2011
Little Things
Just want to document a few little things that I want to remember but don't necessarily require their own post.
Anatomy Scan
I had my ultrasound a couple of weeks ago and Cub Scout and his little organs are developing perfectly normally. Woo Hoo! It's such a relief to have a normally progressing pregnancy.
I had a 3D ultrasound and it was amazing. The images of Cub Scout were so clear and it made it really real that I've got a little one incubating in there. It was love at first sight.
Heartbeat
Mr. Scout came to my last midwife appointment with me and he got to hear Cub Scout's heartbeat for the first time. I'm so glad he finally heard it. It's an amazing thing to experience and I sometimes forget how different this pregnancy is for him than me. It's nice for him to have moments he can experience other than just watching my belly and boobs grow!
Leg Cramps
Holy pain! Thankfully I've only had one episode of leg cramping but it was a doozy. It was brief but it was painful. Here's hoping it was a one-time only occurrence!
Gifts
We have been so fortunate to have been gifted many baby items already. A dear friend gave me tons of clothes and baby gear. As did a neighbour. My mom bought Cub Scout his first "I Love Daddy" item. My mom also got us a high chair, playpen and car seat. My dad and his wife bought Cub Scout his first rattle. My mom's partner bought Cub Scout his bassinet. Another dear friend bought Cub Scout his first teething toy. And of course Mommy, being the fashion whore that I am, has been buying Cub Scout far too many cute clothes :) And the best gift of all - the baby book that Daddy gave Mommy on Christmas morning to record all of Cub Scouts firsts - I can't wait to start using it.
Kicks
Little Cub Scout is kicking up a storm and there's a definite pattern to his kicking. I feel the kicks most often during the day as I'm sitting quietly at my desk at work. I also feel kicks at night upon retiring to bed. Last week for the first time I saw my belly jump when he kicked. What a sight to behold! On days when I feel less movement all I can think about it how much I want to feel him kick :) Mr. Scout has felt the kicks a few times and he loves it too.
Prenatal Yoga
What a treat! My yoga instructor is a doula and a mom of two boys. The wealth of knowledge that she shares with us is priceless. I love being in class with the other pregnant mommas and seeing everyone's beautiful bellies. When doing our deep breathing exercises the instructor reminds us to "hug our babies into our bellies" and in those moments I feel like I'm sending my little one so much love.
Belly Rubs
Mr. Scout loves to rub my belly and talk to Cub Scout and it melts my heart every single time.
Back Pain
Not pleasant, but not much I can do about it. My thin body frame was not built to handle big boobs and a big belly :)
Anatomy Scan
I had my ultrasound a couple of weeks ago and Cub Scout and his little organs are developing perfectly normally. Woo Hoo! It's such a relief to have a normally progressing pregnancy.
I had a 3D ultrasound and it was amazing. The images of Cub Scout were so clear and it made it really real that I've got a little one incubating in there. It was love at first sight.
Heartbeat
Mr. Scout came to my last midwife appointment with me and he got to hear Cub Scout's heartbeat for the first time. I'm so glad he finally heard it. It's an amazing thing to experience and I sometimes forget how different this pregnancy is for him than me. It's nice for him to have moments he can experience other than just watching my belly and boobs grow!
Leg Cramps
Holy pain! Thankfully I've only had one episode of leg cramping but it was a doozy. It was brief but it was painful. Here's hoping it was a one-time only occurrence!
Gifts
We have been so fortunate to have been gifted many baby items already. A dear friend gave me tons of clothes and baby gear. As did a neighbour. My mom bought Cub Scout his first "I Love Daddy" item. My mom also got us a high chair, playpen and car seat. My dad and his wife bought Cub Scout his first rattle. My mom's partner bought Cub Scout his bassinet. Another dear friend bought Cub Scout his first teething toy. And of course Mommy, being the fashion whore that I am, has been buying Cub Scout far too many cute clothes :) And the best gift of all - the baby book that Daddy gave Mommy on Christmas morning to record all of Cub Scouts firsts - I can't wait to start using it.
Kicks
Little Cub Scout is kicking up a storm and there's a definite pattern to his kicking. I feel the kicks most often during the day as I'm sitting quietly at my desk at work. I also feel kicks at night upon retiring to bed. Last week for the first time I saw my belly jump when he kicked. What a sight to behold! On days when I feel less movement all I can think about it how much I want to feel him kick :) Mr. Scout has felt the kicks a few times and he loves it too.
Prenatal Yoga
What a treat! My yoga instructor is a doula and a mom of two boys. The wealth of knowledge that she shares with us is priceless. I love being in class with the other pregnant mommas and seeing everyone's beautiful bellies. When doing our deep breathing exercises the instructor reminds us to "hug our babies into our bellies" and in those moments I feel like I'm sending my little one so much love.
Belly Rubs
Mr. Scout loves to rub my belly and talk to Cub Scout and it melts my heart every single time.
Back Pain
Not pleasant, but not much I can do about it. My thin body frame was not built to handle big boobs and a big belly :)
Guilt and Gratitude
22 weeks tomorrow. Where has the time gone? Most days I'm still shocked that I'm actually pregnant. Growing up, I never longed to be a mother. When we started trying to conceive and we struggled I wondered if I'd ever be pregnant. Now I'm here, and it still surprises me.
I try very hard to be grateful every single moment of every single day for this pregnancy. And I am grateful, I truly am. But on days when I feel frustrated that my pregnant body no longer fits into clothes the way it used I feel vain...and guilty. On days when I still feel like I'm mourning the daughter that I longed for rather than being overjoyed for the son that I'm having I feel like the worst person on the face of the earth...and guilty. On days when I'm worried more about all the stuff we have to buy for the baby and getting the house in order I feel like I'm not taking enough time to relish in being pregnant...and I feel guilty.
I need to stop beating myself up over these feelings. I need to stop sweating the small stuff and embrace this pregnancy and remember to appreciate every single moment of it. This may very well be my only pregnancy ever. I don't want to look back on this time and feel like it went by too fast and I didn't enjoy it enough.
That's not to say I spend the majority of my time feeling ungrateful. Quite the opposite in fact. Every day I look in the mirror and marvel at my changing body. When I feel little Cub Scout kick it's the greatest feeling. Lately I'm becoming more and more in love with the idea that we're going to be parents and what that will entail. I'm excited by the thought that I will have the opportunity to be a nurturer and caregiver and role model to someone and that Mr. Scout and I will be a team in a way we haven't been before. The thought of raising littles with Mr. Scout and the type of father he will be fills my heart with so much love words cannot even express it.
So this is a reminder to myself to stop sweating the small stuff - it's just that, small stuff.
And to end this post, I love this quote as it describes how I feel most days:
"Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be." Carrie Fisher
I try very hard to be grateful every single moment of every single day for this pregnancy. And I am grateful, I truly am. But on days when I feel frustrated that my pregnant body no longer fits into clothes the way it used I feel vain...and guilty. On days when I still feel like I'm mourning the daughter that I longed for rather than being overjoyed for the son that I'm having I feel like the worst person on the face of the earth...and guilty. On days when I'm worried more about all the stuff we have to buy for the baby and getting the house in order I feel like I'm not taking enough time to relish in being pregnant...and I feel guilty.
I need to stop beating myself up over these feelings. I need to stop sweating the small stuff and embrace this pregnancy and remember to appreciate every single moment of it. This may very well be my only pregnancy ever. I don't want to look back on this time and feel like it went by too fast and I didn't enjoy it enough.
That's not to say I spend the majority of my time feeling ungrateful. Quite the opposite in fact. Every day I look in the mirror and marvel at my changing body. When I feel little Cub Scout kick it's the greatest feeling. Lately I'm becoming more and more in love with the idea that we're going to be parents and what that will entail. I'm excited by the thought that I will have the opportunity to be a nurturer and caregiver and role model to someone and that Mr. Scout and I will be a team in a way we haven't been before. The thought of raising littles with Mr. Scout and the type of father he will be fills my heart with so much love words cannot even express it.
So this is a reminder to myself to stop sweating the small stuff - it's just that, small stuff.
And to end this post, I love this quote as it describes how I feel most days:
"Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be." Carrie Fisher
March 4, 2011
She's a He
Gestation: 19 weeks & 3 days
Weight: 106 lbs
I found out this week that my little Cub Scout, who everyone thought was going to be a girl actually has a penis :) Yep, this little one is all boy.
I had mixed emotions. It was absolutely amazing to see the 3D images of his little face - and what an adorable little face it is - he's got the cutest little lips and mouth and I can't wait to shower his face with kisses.
It was a relief to finally know what gender I've been carrying around for the last 19 weeks and now I don't have to spend the rest of the pregnancy wondering. I hate surprises and could not imagine not knowing whether I was having a girl or a boy.
I am not sad I'm having a boy. But I do feel a bit of a loss for not having the girl that I dreamed of. Of course, I just want a healthy baby and I would love to have at least one of each gender. And as someone pointed out, I didn't go through infertility and IVF to have a girl, I did it to have a baby. But at the end of the day I have a special affinity for girls and women and I really wanted the opportunity to raise a fantastic, strong, confident, feminist daughter who would break down barriers. Yes, I know, that's projecting a lot onto a girl who would be her own person regardless of what I wanted her to be.
But, maybe having a boy will teach me things about boys and men that I need to learn. And how can I not be happy about having a mini version of Mr. Cub Scout joining our clan? I know some amazing men - Mr. Cub Scout of course. My father is one-of-a-kind amazing. My grandfather was one of the kindest souls I've ever know. I have some really good male friends. I adore my nephew. Boys aren't so bad :)
And who's to say I can't raise a fantastic, strong, confident, feminist SON!
I don't know if we'll ever have another biological child. But maybe we will. And maybe I will have a daughter. Or maybe I'd have another boy and the two of them would grow up to have an amazing brother bond. One thing I know is that no one knows what the future holds. I never in a million years thought I'd have to deal with infertility and undergo IVF! You just never know.
In the few days since I've learned that she's a he I've also learned that gender disappointment is not uncommon. It's normal to have hopes and dreams for your family and a certain vision of what that family looks like. While I may not have pictured having a son, I am pretty confident that once he arrives I won't be able to imagine him being anyone other than the amazing little man he's going to be.
One positive, at least I won't have to deal with all the princess-crap that is forced upon little girls. If I were having a girl I'd be thwarting all things princess-y and Barbie at every turn! I suppose this little guy could turn out to love all things princess/Barbie related...but if that were the case I don't think it would be as damaging to his self-image :)
Weight: 106 lbs
I found out this week that my little Cub Scout, who everyone thought was going to be a girl actually has a penis :) Yep, this little one is all boy.
I had mixed emotions. It was absolutely amazing to see the 3D images of his little face - and what an adorable little face it is - he's got the cutest little lips and mouth and I can't wait to shower his face with kisses.
It was a relief to finally know what gender I've been carrying around for the last 19 weeks and now I don't have to spend the rest of the pregnancy wondering. I hate surprises and could not imagine not knowing whether I was having a girl or a boy.
I am not sad I'm having a boy. But I do feel a bit of a loss for not having the girl that I dreamed of. Of course, I just want a healthy baby and I would love to have at least one of each gender. And as someone pointed out, I didn't go through infertility and IVF to have a girl, I did it to have a baby. But at the end of the day I have a special affinity for girls and women and I really wanted the opportunity to raise a fantastic, strong, confident, feminist daughter who would break down barriers. Yes, I know, that's projecting a lot onto a girl who would be her own person regardless of what I wanted her to be.
But, maybe having a boy will teach me things about boys and men that I need to learn. And how can I not be happy about having a mini version of Mr. Cub Scout joining our clan? I know some amazing men - Mr. Cub Scout of course. My father is one-of-a-kind amazing. My grandfather was one of the kindest souls I've ever know. I have some really good male friends. I adore my nephew. Boys aren't so bad :)
And who's to say I can't raise a fantastic, strong, confident, feminist SON!
I don't know if we'll ever have another biological child. But maybe we will. And maybe I will have a daughter. Or maybe I'd have another boy and the two of them would grow up to have an amazing brother bond. One thing I know is that no one knows what the future holds. I never in a million years thought I'd have to deal with infertility and undergo IVF! You just never know.
In the few days since I've learned that she's a he I've also learned that gender disappointment is not uncommon. It's normal to have hopes and dreams for your family and a certain vision of what that family looks like. While I may not have pictured having a son, I am pretty confident that once he arrives I won't be able to imagine him being anyone other than the amazing little man he's going to be.
One positive, at least I won't have to deal with all the princess-crap that is forced upon little girls. If I were having a girl I'd be thwarting all things princess-y and Barbie at every turn! I suppose this little guy could turn out to love all things princess/Barbie related...but if that were the case I don't think it would be as damaging to his self-image :)
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