Been a while since I've written here. Not for lack of things to say, but mostly due to extreme exhaustion. But I do want to make an effort to document this pregnancy as much as possible.
Gestation: 13 weeks 2 days
Weight: 99.5 lbs
Symptoms: extreme fatigue, bloating, stuffy nose, hip pain
On Announcing Our Pregnancy
Our families were overjoyed. And shocked. We never talked about our desire to have children or our journey to conceive. Many assumed we didn't want children. After giving them a few days to enjoy our news and for it to sink in, we shared the deatils of our journey with them. I didn't want to make them feel bad for us, but I did want them to understand how grateful we are for this pregnancy and also to understand why we may not be as excited as they expect us to be.
Most of our friends now know as well. There is a handful of people I haven't told yet simply because I haven't talked to them or seen them in months. I don't feel an urgency to tell them. Eventually I'll get around to it. Friends are all very happy for us.
Work colleagues do not yet know, other than my boss. Though my clothes are starting to fit a lot more snug and I definitely look like I've gained weight, even if I don't have a full blown bump yet.
On Feeling Happy and Scared
Most days we are happy and thrilled beyond belief. But just because you get pregnant doesn't mean your infertility fears disappear. We worry about this pregnancy progressing as it should because we know all too well that things can change in an instant. While others are talking about "when" the baby arrives, I sometimes feel scared to think that way. I can't bring myself to think of baby names or make baby item purchases yet. It's too soon.
On Symptoms
Of course the first question everyone asks is "do you have morning sickness?" I am happy to say that I have not had one moment of nausea. Not a single one - knock on wood! I know not everyone experiences it, but when you have lived with infertility part of you wants to experience every single pregnancy symptom because it helps to reassure you that you are in fact pregnant.
The fatigue is still present. I feel like I have run a marathon and climbed a mountain every single day. It doesn't matter how much sleep I get, I still feel exhausted. Speaking of sleep, I've always been a light sleeper, and now I'm up at least 3 times a night to pee. Really? Is that necessary already? I can understand if you've got a big baby resting on your bladder, but this early in the pregnancy it just doesn't seem fair.
I've had a stuffy nose since day one of this pregnancy, technical term I've learned is Rhinitis. I'm keeping Kleenex makers in business.
For the last week I've had a dull ache in my right hip. Likely due to ligaments starting to stretch and my pelvis starting to change to make room for the baby.
Cravings - I've had a few. In the beginning I wanted potatoes - all kinds. Potato wedges, french fries, mashed potatoes, potato chips. That craving is still present, but not as much as it was. Then it was fruit - but not stuff like apples or bananas. I wanted tropical fruit - pineapple, mango, berries! And lately I've been craving food that I would never normally eat - nachos with cheese and salsa, chocolate, ice cream, kraft dinner(!) of all things! When I go grocery shopping I see things in the aisles and immediately think "mmmm, wouldn't that be good!" Very strange feeling for me to have cravings. I've never had a love relationship with food. As a child I was a very picky eater. I gave up meat when I was 15 years old because I hated it.
Lots more updates to write about and I'm going to make an effort to document as much as I can from now on. I know I'm pregnant, I think about it every waking moment. And I'm so very, very grateful that I'm pregnant. But some days I feel like I'm not doing enought to cherish this time. To really relish in it and be present in it and remember it. This may very well be my only pregnancy, I need to be more present. If only I could stay awake long enough .....
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