First, kudos to all those mommy bloggers who find time to write! I find it near impossible to find time to blog. How do you mommy's do it????
There is so much to write that I don't even know where to start.
As much as I thought I loved Cub Scout when I wrote my last post...that was nothing. I feel like my heart swells and grows with love for him more every day. I love everything about him. I love the sounds he makes when he's nursing. Sometimes I will just close my eyes and listen and try to burn those sounds into my brain so that I never forget them. I love his cry. He doesn't cry much, but when he does, oh is it ever cute :) I love watching him grow and change. It's so fun to see him on the verge of a milestone and then achieve it. I could see him being close to being able to laugh for a couple of weeks and then he finally did. I could see him being close to being able to roll and then he did. Right now I can see him being close to being able to sit up on his own and soon he will. Every milestone he reaches is something to celebrate and the littlest things make you so proud.
He is now 5 months old and I don't know where the time as gone. Soon he'll be 6 months and then my one year maternity leave will be half over. I don't know how I'm ever going to go back to work. I cannot conceive of it. How can I leave my little boy in someone else's care all day long? That, to me, is just wrong. He should be with his mommy. I should be the one feeding him and reading to him and singing to him and putting him to sleep at nap time - not someone else.
I can't believe there was a time when I wasn't sure I wanted children. I wish we had started our family sooner. While I loved my life before Cub Scout and all the things we were able to do, I wish my little boy came into my life sooner.
Being a parent is...well there are no words right now. It's everything good in the world all rolled up into one. Nothing has brought me greater joy.
I hope we have more children. I want to feel this love over and over again. Though I imagine my little Cub Scout will always hold a special place in my heart because he is my first :)
I wish there was some cohesion to this post, but its been so long since I've blogged that I can't focus.
December 14, 2011
August 9, 2011
He's Here
And he arrived almost 4 weeks ago! Where has 4 weeks gone??! There's so much to say about the last 4 weeks but it seems I have no time to write it all.
Cub Scout arrived 12 days early at 38 weeks and 2 days. My water began leaking a couple of days before his birth. I did not want to be induced so on the instruction of my midwives I went for acupuncture and took castor oil and that seemed to do the trick. Labour started later that evening and Cub Scout arrived in dramatic fashion - just a couple of hours of labour and he was here. I delivered him at home in our bedroom with the assistance of the midwives.
It was my perfect birth. I couldn't have asked for anything different. It was a wonderful experience.
Cub Scout is perfect and we are smitten with him.
Being a mommy is amazing. And still hard to believe some days. We aren't into any sort of routine yet. And the lack of sleep is challenging. I don't feel myself yet...I have to remind myself that it's not yet been 4 weeks since I gave birth and it will take time until I feel better.
These days Cub Scout and I just take it easy. Sleep and eat and rest is all we do. I would like to do more but outings seem like too much just yet. Maybe in a couple of more weeks.
It's amazing the love you feel for a child. There's nothing like it.
I love staring at him.
I love holding him.
I love nursing him.
I love seeing him in his daddy's arms.
I love seeing the love his grandparents have for him.
I am blessed.
Cub Scout arrived 12 days early at 38 weeks and 2 days. My water began leaking a couple of days before his birth. I did not want to be induced so on the instruction of my midwives I went for acupuncture and took castor oil and that seemed to do the trick. Labour started later that evening and Cub Scout arrived in dramatic fashion - just a couple of hours of labour and he was here. I delivered him at home in our bedroom with the assistance of the midwives.
It was my perfect birth. I couldn't have asked for anything different. It was a wonderful experience.
Cub Scout is perfect and we are smitten with him.
Being a mommy is amazing. And still hard to believe some days. We aren't into any sort of routine yet. And the lack of sleep is challenging. I don't feel myself yet...I have to remind myself that it's not yet been 4 weeks since I gave birth and it will take time until I feel better.
These days Cub Scout and I just take it easy. Sleep and eat and rest is all we do. I would like to do more but outings seem like too much just yet. Maybe in a couple of more weeks.
It's amazing the love you feel for a child. There's nothing like it.
I love staring at him.
I love holding him.
I love nursing him.
I love seeing him in his daddy's arms.
I love seeing the love his grandparents have for him.
I am blessed.
July 10, 2011
Week 37 - Everything I Want to Remember
How far along: 37 weeks 5 days
Total weight gain/loss: Up 25 lbs. (Current weight = 123 lbs)
Maternity clothes: I am ready to stop wearing them and get back into some of pre-pregnancy clothes!
Stretch marks: None (Thank God)
Sleep: Trying to take the advice of parents I know who keep telling me to sleep now because I won't be able to once Cub Scout arrives. I take afternoon naps, sleep in a little longer...
Movement: No changes in movement but we have had the addition of hiccups for a few weeks now.
Cravings: Wine! I wouldn't say it is so much a craving as I'm just really looking forward to having a glass at some point. It didn't help that we went to a wine bar with friends after dinner for a night cap and all I could do was smell Mr. Cub Scout's wine.
Aversions: None
Gender: A little man
Symptoms: Nothing you would expect this late in the game - no swelling, no cramping, no pelvic pressure
What I miss: My mobility
What I look forward to: The end result...I've been pregnant long enough now
Moods: Mostly calm and content. Some days a little anxious at what's just around the corner but other days just peaceful and ready to begin the next phase of this journey.
Milestones: I reached full-term this week
Medical Concerns: None
Weekly Wisdom: Family is the greatest thing in the world
Worst moment this week: The only thing to complain about is the heat and living in a house without air conditioning
Best moment this week: Having some guy in the checkout line in front of me say "Do you know you're having a boy?" "Why do you say that?" I ask. He says "because you haven't lost your beauty." LMFAO. I've heard that old wives' tale that girls steal your looks and I've been pretty fortunate that I look exacty the same during this pregnancy as I did previously and the only weight gain I've had is in the belly. Cheesey as his line may have been I loved it :) What 9 months' pregnant woman wouldn't love to hear that?? :)
Best moment this week: Having some guy in the checkout line in front of me say "Do you know you're having a boy?" "Why do you say that?" I ask. He says "because you haven't lost your beauty." LMFAO. I've heard that old wives' tale that girls steal your looks and I've been pretty fortunate that I look exacty the same during this pregnancy as I did previously and the only weight gain I've had is in the belly. Cheesey as his line may have been I loved it :) What 9 months' pregnant woman wouldn't love to hear that?? :)
July 5, 2011
Full-term, Baby!
37 weeks today means I am officially full-term and Cub Scout could make his appearance at any time. Though I'm hoping he hangs on for a few more weeks.
Despite being a small-framed gal and having gained only 25 lbs this pregnancy, Cub Scout is apparently not a small baby. I have mixed emotions knowing that. Of course I am relieved and grateful that he isn't small and that I don't have to worry about not gaining enough weight - despite trying very hard (yes, I am one of those skinny bitches who doesn't look pregnant anywhere except my belly). But, hearing that your baby is not small is not comforting in the final weeks before birth when you know you're going to be pushing him out of you!
It's so hard to believe I'm at the end of this journey. And it's still sometimes hard to believe I'm even here. Why did I get so lucky? I've tried very hard to be present during this pregnancy. It may be the only pregnancy I ever experience. Or maybe it won't. But I do know how fortunate I am to have this experience.
What have a I loved about being pregnant? Feeling Cub Scout's movements is pretty amazing. Sharing the experience with my mom and seeing her pleasure in it all - I think she was born to be a Grandmother! Knowing we are adding to our family because family means everything to me. I read a great quote the other day - "many things will change us but we begin and end with family." So true. Simply marvelling in the miracle of pregnancy - how amazing it is that I can actually grow a human being! Decorating the nursery has been a joy. Anticipating the love that I am going to feel for my son. Seeing his face on the 3D ultrasounds. Sharing my pregnancy journey with a close friend who was pregnant at the same time. Buying cute baby clothes. Those are some of the things I have loved.
What have I disliked about being pregnant? In the beginning the changes to my body were hard to accept. The back pain has been horrendous. I could do without the leg cramps. The fatigue has been challenging at times. Feeling nervous that everything is going to turn out ok. Worrying about being a good parent. Worrying about not knowing a thing about babies or how to care for them. Being fearful of the changes that are going to happen to our lives - namely giving up my freedom and being tied to a little person for a verrrry long time. Those are some of the things I have not enjoyed.
But despite the likes and dislikes, the overwhelming feeling at the end of the day is one of pure gratitude that I have been able to go on this journey. I know there are many, many women, some I know personally, some I know only through their blogs, who may never have this opportunity, and for some reason, I am one of the lucky ones. All I can be is grateful.
Oh Cub Scout, you don't know the love that awaits you!
Despite being a small-framed gal and having gained only 25 lbs this pregnancy, Cub Scout is apparently not a small baby. I have mixed emotions knowing that. Of course I am relieved and grateful that he isn't small and that I don't have to worry about not gaining enough weight - despite trying very hard (yes, I am one of those skinny bitches who doesn't look pregnant anywhere except my belly). But, hearing that your baby is not small is not comforting in the final weeks before birth when you know you're going to be pushing him out of you!
It's so hard to believe I'm at the end of this journey. And it's still sometimes hard to believe I'm even here. Why did I get so lucky? I've tried very hard to be present during this pregnancy. It may be the only pregnancy I ever experience. Or maybe it won't. But I do know how fortunate I am to have this experience.
What have a I loved about being pregnant? Feeling Cub Scout's movements is pretty amazing. Sharing the experience with my mom and seeing her pleasure in it all - I think she was born to be a Grandmother! Knowing we are adding to our family because family means everything to me. I read a great quote the other day - "many things will change us but we begin and end with family." So true. Simply marvelling in the miracle of pregnancy - how amazing it is that I can actually grow a human being! Decorating the nursery has been a joy. Anticipating the love that I am going to feel for my son. Seeing his face on the 3D ultrasounds. Sharing my pregnancy journey with a close friend who was pregnant at the same time. Buying cute baby clothes. Those are some of the things I have loved.
What have I disliked about being pregnant? In the beginning the changes to my body were hard to accept. The back pain has been horrendous. I could do without the leg cramps. The fatigue has been challenging at times. Feeling nervous that everything is going to turn out ok. Worrying about being a good parent. Worrying about not knowing a thing about babies or how to care for them. Being fearful of the changes that are going to happen to our lives - namely giving up my freedom and being tied to a little person for a verrrry long time. Those are some of the things I have not enjoyed.
But despite the likes and dislikes, the overwhelming feeling at the end of the day is one of pure gratitude that I have been able to go on this journey. I know there are many, many women, some I know personally, some I know only through their blogs, who may never have this opportunity, and for some reason, I am one of the lucky ones. All I can be is grateful.
Oh Cub Scout, you don't know the love that awaits you!
June 24, 2011
The Home Stretch
Gestation: 35 weeks 3 days
Weight: 122 lbs
This really is the final leg of this journey. Some days I still can't believe I'm here despite the huge belly that keeps bumping into things. I can't believe how close we are to meeting Cub Scout and having our lives changed forever.
I have officially stopped working now which has been wonderful. It's so nice to have this down time to relax and prepare for Cub Scout's arrival. I still have a lot to do to get ready for Cub Scout, but I can do it at a nice slow pace.
Some days I feel ready to welcome Cub Scout to our family and start this new chapter, other days I mourn the impending loss of our freedom and coupledom. It's been just Mr. Scout and I for so long - we're used to our routines as a couple and our freedom to do things spontaneously and come and go as we please. I fear that the adjustment to life with a baby is going to be hard on us because we've had so many years just to ourselves. But then in other ways I think maybe the adjustment will be easier on us for just that reason. We've had LOTS of couple time. Lots of time to build and grow our marriage. Time to purchase homes and tackle renovations. Time to travel. Time to be selfish and take part in lots of hobbies. Time to spend with friends at a moment's notice. Time for leisurely dinners at restaurants. Time for lazy mornings in bed reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee. Time to host parties and gatherings. We certainly haven't missed out on time together as a couple or life experiences.
I feel ready for labour and birth. I am not fearful of it. I know it will be hell. I know I can't even anticipate how difficult it really will be. But I know it will be temporary pain and I know it will have an amazing outcome. I am more fearful of what happens after Cub Scout arrives. I don't know anything about caring for a baby. It's the one thing in my entire life I've ever felt most unprepared for. That scares me. But I try not to fret about it too much. We have support of our families and friends. We will figure it out like all new parents do.
Right now, I am sitting in bed, a hypnobirthing CD playing in the background and one of my cats curled up beside me snoring away. Just me alone, calm and relaxed and being grateful for this time in these last few weeks.
Cub Scout is doing well. At my ultrasound this week he was measuring about 6 lbs! I'm on the small side so it's hard to believe there's a 6 lb baby in there! As if this pregnancy wasn't real enough already, the realization that there is a 6 LB BABY IN THERE made it even more real.
I'm feeling great though. Very relaxed. A little more fatigued these days and taking advantage of the ability to have some afternoon naps. My back pain is ever-present but nothing more I can do about it. I look forward to getting out of some of my maternity clothes and hopefully being able to fit into some of my pre-pregnancy summer dresses after Cub Scout is born and before this summer is over. I look forward to wearing my summer wedges and heels....so much. I can rock a pair of flats but there's nothing like a gorgeous pair of wedge sandals in summertime :)
The thing I look forward to most of all? Feeling the love I will feel for Cub Scout as a parent - that feeling that everyone tries to describe but says is not possible to describe - you just have to experience it. That feeling - I can't wait for!
Weight: 122 lbs
This really is the final leg of this journey. Some days I still can't believe I'm here despite the huge belly that keeps bumping into things. I can't believe how close we are to meeting Cub Scout and having our lives changed forever.
I have officially stopped working now which has been wonderful. It's so nice to have this down time to relax and prepare for Cub Scout's arrival. I still have a lot to do to get ready for Cub Scout, but I can do it at a nice slow pace.
Some days I feel ready to welcome Cub Scout to our family and start this new chapter, other days I mourn the impending loss of our freedom and coupledom. It's been just Mr. Scout and I for so long - we're used to our routines as a couple and our freedom to do things spontaneously and come and go as we please. I fear that the adjustment to life with a baby is going to be hard on us because we've had so many years just to ourselves. But then in other ways I think maybe the adjustment will be easier on us for just that reason. We've had LOTS of couple time. Lots of time to build and grow our marriage. Time to purchase homes and tackle renovations. Time to travel. Time to be selfish and take part in lots of hobbies. Time to spend with friends at a moment's notice. Time for leisurely dinners at restaurants. Time for lazy mornings in bed reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee. Time to host parties and gatherings. We certainly haven't missed out on time together as a couple or life experiences.
I feel ready for labour and birth. I am not fearful of it. I know it will be hell. I know I can't even anticipate how difficult it really will be. But I know it will be temporary pain and I know it will have an amazing outcome. I am more fearful of what happens after Cub Scout arrives. I don't know anything about caring for a baby. It's the one thing in my entire life I've ever felt most unprepared for. That scares me. But I try not to fret about it too much. We have support of our families and friends. We will figure it out like all new parents do.
Right now, I am sitting in bed, a hypnobirthing CD playing in the background and one of my cats curled up beside me snoring away. Just me alone, calm and relaxed and being grateful for this time in these last few weeks.
Cub Scout is doing well. At my ultrasound this week he was measuring about 6 lbs! I'm on the small side so it's hard to believe there's a 6 lb baby in there! As if this pregnancy wasn't real enough already, the realization that there is a 6 LB BABY IN THERE made it even more real.
I'm feeling great though. Very relaxed. A little more fatigued these days and taking advantage of the ability to have some afternoon naps. My back pain is ever-present but nothing more I can do about it. I look forward to getting out of some of my maternity clothes and hopefully being able to fit into some of my pre-pregnancy summer dresses after Cub Scout is born and before this summer is over. I look forward to wearing my summer wedges and heels....so much. I can rock a pair of flats but there's nothing like a gorgeous pair of wedge sandals in summertime :)
The thing I look forward to most of all? Feeling the love I will feel for Cub Scout as a parent - that feeling that everyone tries to describe but says is not possible to describe - you just have to experience it. That feeling - I can't wait for!
June 1, 2011
Week 32 - Everything I Want to Remember
How far along: 32 weeks 1 days
Total weight gain/loss: Up 22 lbs. (Current weight = 120 lbs)
Maternity clothes: Pleased to say I can still purchase some non-maternity tops and fit into them. I have to go one size up and they are mostly loose, flowy tops, but the fact that they are non-maternity gives me hope that I might be able to get some wear out of them after the baby is born
Stretch marks: None (Thank God)
Sleep: Sucks and is getting worse - between back pain, leg cramps ($%@#!!), sore hips and baby movement a good night's sleep never happens
Movement: Is now keeping me awake at night!
Cravings: Ice cream
Aversions: None
Gender: A little man
Symptoms: Back pain and more back pain, middle of the night leg cramps
What I miss: My mobility
What I look forward to: Just meeting Cub Scout
Moods: Some stress...caused by my back pain and feeling ready to quit work
Milestones: I'm in the home stretch
Medical Concerns: None
Weekly Wisdom: The baby is coming whether you're ready or not!
Worst moment this week: Not being offered a seat on the streetcar and having to stand almost the entire ride!
Best moment this week: My ultrasound and learning that Cub Scout's growth and position are as they should be
Best moment this week: My ultrasound and learning that Cub Scout's growth and position are as they should be
Holy F&ck!
I just looked at my countdown...55 days to go! How is that possible??!! I cannot have this baby in 55 days (give or take). I'M NOT READY!
This may be my first official pregnancy meltdown....
This may be my first official pregnancy meltdown....
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