37 weeks today means I am officially full-term and Cub Scout could make his appearance at any time. Though I'm hoping he hangs on for a few more weeks.
Despite being a small-framed gal and having gained only 25 lbs this pregnancy, Cub Scout is apparently not a small baby. I have mixed emotions knowing that. Of course I am relieved and grateful that he isn't small and that I don't have to worry about not gaining enough weight - despite trying very hard (yes, I am one of those skinny bitches who doesn't look pregnant anywhere except my belly). But, hearing that your baby is not small is not comforting in the final weeks before birth when you know you're going to be pushing him out of you!
It's so hard to believe I'm at the end of this journey. And it's still sometimes hard to believe I'm even here. Why did I get so lucky? I've tried very hard to be present during this pregnancy. It may be the only pregnancy I ever experience. Or maybe it won't. But I do know how fortunate I am to have this experience.
What have a I loved about being pregnant? Feeling Cub Scout's movements is pretty amazing. Sharing the experience with my mom and seeing her pleasure in it all - I think she was born to be a Grandmother! Knowing we are adding to our family because family means everything to me. I read a great quote the other day - "many things will change us but we begin and end with family." So true. Simply marvelling in the miracle of pregnancy - how amazing it is that I can actually grow a human being! Decorating the nursery has been a joy. Anticipating the love that I am going to feel for my son. Seeing his face on the 3D ultrasounds. Sharing my pregnancy journey with a close friend who was pregnant at the same time. Buying cute baby clothes. Those are some of the things I have loved.
What have I disliked about being pregnant? In the beginning the changes to my body were hard to accept. The back pain has been horrendous. I could do without the leg cramps. The fatigue has been challenging at times. Feeling nervous that everything is going to turn out ok. Worrying about being a good parent. Worrying about not knowing a thing about babies or how to care for them. Being fearful of the changes that are going to happen to our lives - namely giving up my freedom and being tied to a little person for a verrrry long time. Those are some of the things I have not enjoyed.
But despite the likes and dislikes, the overwhelming feeling at the end of the day is one of pure gratitude that I have been able to go on this journey. I know there are many, many women, some I know personally, some I know only through their blogs, who may never have this opportunity, and for some reason, I am one of the lucky ones. All I can be is grateful.
Oh Cub Scout, you don't know the love that awaits you!
July 5, 2011
June 24, 2011
The Home Stretch
Gestation: 35 weeks 3 days
Weight: 122 lbs
This really is the final leg of this journey. Some days I still can't believe I'm here despite the huge belly that keeps bumping into things. I can't believe how close we are to meeting Cub Scout and having our lives changed forever.
I have officially stopped working now which has been wonderful. It's so nice to have this down time to relax and prepare for Cub Scout's arrival. I still have a lot to do to get ready for Cub Scout, but I can do it at a nice slow pace.
Some days I feel ready to welcome Cub Scout to our family and start this new chapter, other days I mourn the impending loss of our freedom and coupledom. It's been just Mr. Scout and I for so long - we're used to our routines as a couple and our freedom to do things spontaneously and come and go as we please. I fear that the adjustment to life with a baby is going to be hard on us because we've had so many years just to ourselves. But then in other ways I think maybe the adjustment will be easier on us for just that reason. We've had LOTS of couple time. Lots of time to build and grow our marriage. Time to purchase homes and tackle renovations. Time to travel. Time to be selfish and take part in lots of hobbies. Time to spend with friends at a moment's notice. Time for leisurely dinners at restaurants. Time for lazy mornings in bed reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee. Time to host parties and gatherings. We certainly haven't missed out on time together as a couple or life experiences.
I feel ready for labour and birth. I am not fearful of it. I know it will be hell. I know I can't even anticipate how difficult it really will be. But I know it will be temporary pain and I know it will have an amazing outcome. I am more fearful of what happens after Cub Scout arrives. I don't know anything about caring for a baby. It's the one thing in my entire life I've ever felt most unprepared for. That scares me. But I try not to fret about it too much. We have support of our families and friends. We will figure it out like all new parents do.
Right now, I am sitting in bed, a hypnobirthing CD playing in the background and one of my cats curled up beside me snoring away. Just me alone, calm and relaxed and being grateful for this time in these last few weeks.
Cub Scout is doing well. At my ultrasound this week he was measuring about 6 lbs! I'm on the small side so it's hard to believe there's a 6 lb baby in there! As if this pregnancy wasn't real enough already, the realization that there is a 6 LB BABY IN THERE made it even more real.
I'm feeling great though. Very relaxed. A little more fatigued these days and taking advantage of the ability to have some afternoon naps. My back pain is ever-present but nothing more I can do about it. I look forward to getting out of some of my maternity clothes and hopefully being able to fit into some of my pre-pregnancy summer dresses after Cub Scout is born and before this summer is over. I look forward to wearing my summer wedges and heels....so much. I can rock a pair of flats but there's nothing like a gorgeous pair of wedge sandals in summertime :)
The thing I look forward to most of all? Feeling the love I will feel for Cub Scout as a parent - that feeling that everyone tries to describe but says is not possible to describe - you just have to experience it. That feeling - I can't wait for!
Weight: 122 lbs
This really is the final leg of this journey. Some days I still can't believe I'm here despite the huge belly that keeps bumping into things. I can't believe how close we are to meeting Cub Scout and having our lives changed forever.
I have officially stopped working now which has been wonderful. It's so nice to have this down time to relax and prepare for Cub Scout's arrival. I still have a lot to do to get ready for Cub Scout, but I can do it at a nice slow pace.
Some days I feel ready to welcome Cub Scout to our family and start this new chapter, other days I mourn the impending loss of our freedom and coupledom. It's been just Mr. Scout and I for so long - we're used to our routines as a couple and our freedom to do things spontaneously and come and go as we please. I fear that the adjustment to life with a baby is going to be hard on us because we've had so many years just to ourselves. But then in other ways I think maybe the adjustment will be easier on us for just that reason. We've had LOTS of couple time. Lots of time to build and grow our marriage. Time to purchase homes and tackle renovations. Time to travel. Time to be selfish and take part in lots of hobbies. Time to spend with friends at a moment's notice. Time for leisurely dinners at restaurants. Time for lazy mornings in bed reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee. Time to host parties and gatherings. We certainly haven't missed out on time together as a couple or life experiences.
I feel ready for labour and birth. I am not fearful of it. I know it will be hell. I know I can't even anticipate how difficult it really will be. But I know it will be temporary pain and I know it will have an amazing outcome. I am more fearful of what happens after Cub Scout arrives. I don't know anything about caring for a baby. It's the one thing in my entire life I've ever felt most unprepared for. That scares me. But I try not to fret about it too much. We have support of our families and friends. We will figure it out like all new parents do.
Right now, I am sitting in bed, a hypnobirthing CD playing in the background and one of my cats curled up beside me snoring away. Just me alone, calm and relaxed and being grateful for this time in these last few weeks.
Cub Scout is doing well. At my ultrasound this week he was measuring about 6 lbs! I'm on the small side so it's hard to believe there's a 6 lb baby in there! As if this pregnancy wasn't real enough already, the realization that there is a 6 LB BABY IN THERE made it even more real.
I'm feeling great though. Very relaxed. A little more fatigued these days and taking advantage of the ability to have some afternoon naps. My back pain is ever-present but nothing more I can do about it. I look forward to getting out of some of my maternity clothes and hopefully being able to fit into some of my pre-pregnancy summer dresses after Cub Scout is born and before this summer is over. I look forward to wearing my summer wedges and heels....so much. I can rock a pair of flats but there's nothing like a gorgeous pair of wedge sandals in summertime :)
The thing I look forward to most of all? Feeling the love I will feel for Cub Scout as a parent - that feeling that everyone tries to describe but says is not possible to describe - you just have to experience it. That feeling - I can't wait for!
June 1, 2011
Week 32 - Everything I Want to Remember
How far along: 32 weeks 1 days
Total weight gain/loss: Up 22 lbs. (Current weight = 120 lbs)
Maternity clothes: Pleased to say I can still purchase some non-maternity tops and fit into them. I have to go one size up and they are mostly loose, flowy tops, but the fact that they are non-maternity gives me hope that I might be able to get some wear out of them after the baby is born
Stretch marks: None (Thank God)
Sleep: Sucks and is getting worse - between back pain, leg cramps ($%@#!!), sore hips and baby movement a good night's sleep never happens
Movement: Is now keeping me awake at night!
Cravings: Ice cream
Aversions: None
Gender: A little man
Symptoms: Back pain and more back pain, middle of the night leg cramps
What I miss: My mobility
What I look forward to: Just meeting Cub Scout
Moods: Some stress...caused by my back pain and feeling ready to quit work
Milestones: I'm in the home stretch
Medical Concerns: None
Weekly Wisdom: The baby is coming whether you're ready or not!
Worst moment this week: Not being offered a seat on the streetcar and having to stand almost the entire ride!
Best moment this week: My ultrasound and learning that Cub Scout's growth and position are as they should be
Best moment this week: My ultrasound and learning that Cub Scout's growth and position are as they should be
Holy F&ck!
I just looked at my countdown...55 days to go! How is that possible??!! I cannot have this baby in 55 days (give or take). I'M NOT READY!
This may be my first official pregnancy meltdown....
This may be my first official pregnancy meltdown....
May 17, 2011
30 weeks...
10 weeks to estimated arrival of Cub Scout!
Where has the time gone? How can I be 30 weeks already? How can there be only 10 weeks left until we're parents??
I'm soooo not ready.
I have so many things still to do - buy a crib, buy a mattress, buy a stroller, decorate a nursery, gather all the things I need for a homebirth, pack a hospital bag just in case, have a baby shower, get my house in order....I need more time!
Where has the time gone? How can I be 30 weeks already? How can there be only 10 weeks left until we're parents??
I'm soooo not ready.
I have so many things still to do - buy a crib, buy a mattress, buy a stroller, decorate a nursery, gather all the things I need for a homebirth, pack a hospital bag just in case, have a baby shower, get my house in order....I need more time!
May 9, 2011
A Year in the Life
I'm sure all pregnant women who have struggled with IF come to a point when they reflect back on where they were in the months preceeding pregnancy. Today that happened for me. Nothing in particular sparked my thoughts. I was simply on my way to work and got off at my usual bus stop. But in that moment I remembered that this time one year ago I would have not have gotten off at that stop, but kept going for a few more stops to go to the fertility clinic for cycle monitoring before heading into work.
Last year at this time I was having blood work and ultrasounds performed constantly. I was taking my basal body temperature every morning and charting it on a graph. I was working so dilligently to pinpoint ovulation so that we could try to conceive. My life was consumed with trying to get pregnant.
And now here I am, almost 29 weeks along, very visibly pregnant. This time last year I was filled with both hope and despair and I had no idea that IVF lay in my future. The struggle of those days is never far from my thoughts. What a difference a year can make.
Everyone tells me how much life is going to change with the arrival of Cub Scout and how hard it is going to be. I say, bring it on! I'm sure life will change, I'm sure being a parent will be the hardest thing I ever do, but I'm not scared of it - at least not today :P I consider it a miracle that I am pregnant. A miracle of science. I worked my ass off to get here and did things I never thought I would do. All I can do now is look forward to whatever challenges lie ahead when we become a family of three.
And a year from now....the future only knows!
Last year at this time I was having blood work and ultrasounds performed constantly. I was taking my basal body temperature every morning and charting it on a graph. I was working so dilligently to pinpoint ovulation so that we could try to conceive. My life was consumed with trying to get pregnant.
And now here I am, almost 29 weeks along, very visibly pregnant. This time last year I was filled with both hope and despair and I had no idea that IVF lay in my future. The struggle of those days is never far from my thoughts. What a difference a year can make.
Everyone tells me how much life is going to change with the arrival of Cub Scout and how hard it is going to be. I say, bring it on! I'm sure life will change, I'm sure being a parent will be the hardest thing I ever do, but I'm not scared of it - at least not today :P I consider it a miracle that I am pregnant. A miracle of science. I worked my ass off to get here and did things I never thought I would do. All I can do now is look forward to whatever challenges lie ahead when we become a family of three.
And a year from now....the future only knows!
May 5, 2011
Week 28 - Everything I Want to Remember
How far along: 28 weeks 2 days
Total weight gain/loss: Up 19 lbs. (Current weight = 117 lbs)
Maternity clothes: I wish I had more. I'm getting tired of wearing the same things over and over again but I can't justify purchasing more. I have a few maternity dresses with tags still on them that I'm waiting to wear...if it only the weather would warm up!
Stretch marks: None (Thank God)
Sleep: Still sucks
Movement: Movements are noticeably stronger these days. A couple of nights I've had to ask Cub Scout to "keep it down in there" so I could fall asleep. Cub Scout seems to have changed position finally and according to my midwife is now head down.
Cravings: Oh, how I would love a nice glass of red wine :(
Aversions: None
Gender: A little man
Symptoms: Back pain and more back pain
What I miss: My free time...while it's not gone yet, I know it's days are numbered
What I look forward to: Seeing what Cub Scout looks like!
Moods: Grateful for this experience
Milestones: I'm in my THIRD TRIMESTER! How did that happen so fast????
Medical Concerns: None
Weekly Wisdom: I'm not feeling very wise this week
Worst moment this week: Feeling my energy start to fade away. The second trimester burst of energy now seems so short-lived
Best moment this week: Learning that I passed my glucose screening test
Best moment this week: Learning that I passed my glucose screening test
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